Tribute -- (14 sep 06)

I don't know whether i m accursed or not...


At the tender age of 16, i've been asked to attend 3 wakes, wakes of my friends, my peers. and those are excluding the 2 for my grandfathers.

One in p5, when at the young age of 11, my then classmate had her life snatched away by a rare disease contracted from the soil. Another one just 2 weeks ago, for my npcc junior. And now the most heartbreaking one. My friend of 5 years and classmate for 4 years.

In the course of 3 weeks, i've been made to face the loss of a life twice.They have not taught me how to cope though. the news of it just creates yet another void in the heart.

When i first got the news, i lost my ability to speak. I cried till my eyes are sore. They are still sore now. but they do not matter the least bit to me. What really matters cannot be repaired though. The damage is done.

I dunno y. but i had this feeling of uneasyness which i don't know how to explain back just month ago at the end of july. This feeling had first surfaced back when i was in p5, 2 days b4 my then classmate passed away. It has never appeared again, until it resurfaced recently. I was worried, so i told gerard about it. He didn't have much of a reaction or worry though, and merely told me i was worrying too much about my ct results. I waited 2 days, nothing bad passed, but the feeling had not disappeared, it still lingered. I told myself that i might have been worrying abt the ct results too much, though i knew full well that i was never the kind to worry abt the results of any test. Slowly, after a week, the feeling disappeared. And i tot that was the end of it.

Apparently not. Tragedy had waited. Waited for the right time to deal its hand. its hand of death. I fear myself now. What am i to do the next time i get this feeling again? Dismiss it again? If not what?MY mind and emotions are in a horrible state right now.

But i've nicely put up a brave front in front of others. If i don't stay strong, what will happen to garry, hong rui and ernest, the other members of my clique with him, who have been closer to him than i have? If i don't keep on smiling to others, who will?

But deep down inside, i still need more time. more time to come to terms with this loss. more time to cope.

YF, you've always been a great friend to me. Your jokes in class, your jovial ways have always lit up my day. The way you, me and ernest have become well known to be the best slackers ever. Your dota kses frm me. Your "i'm sure" quotes. Your tremendous strength, your chinese proness, your dota abilities. They'll stay in my memory forever. You'll fill the void that was created in my heart. And you'll stay there forever. I'll never forget you. I'll miss you. But i'll stay strong. for you. I'll remember you even after eons have passed. and i'll pay tribute to you. You can be sure of that.

Rest in peace, my dear friend.

MidKnight™

Regards,
Yong Sheng